Cardiff Uni Canoe Polo 2014

I’ll paint a picture; It’s Friday night, absolutely lashing it down outside my flat and I am packing my things ready for the annual Cardiff Uni Canoe Polo (CUCP) competition that is going to take up my Saturday and Sunday. This is not making me feel happy about my choice of giving up a weekend for polo. However this year we had a team of Old Boys that had all graduated Cardiff within the last 4 years, and that is a first for a while now. This is a team that could go far, and therefore I was happy to be playing, even if the rain made me feel otherwise.

So that packing finished and Saturday morning came. I picked up Andy Francis, and we made it to Taf Bargoed at about 10:00. The Sun was trying to beat its way through the clouds, much like a Northerner would his wife on a drunken evening. Our first game would be in 40 minutes, and the Old Boys all turned up within 10 minutes of mine and Andy’s arrival. The team looked as such:

P.S there isn't a rule stating you have to have a female player, so that's not why Zoe is in the team
(She's doing Jonny, that's why)

Seeing as we all play for Cardiff (except Bucknell, who doesn't play at all), we had high expectations from this selection. I quite literally cannot remember who our first game was against, but don't worry, they went on to do nothing, so aren't worth remembering anyway. However what I do remember is thinking how badly we played. Having not trained as a team before, it really showed. We were all over the place, with people overcommitting on attack and leaving us with our pants down many a time. Luckily we went on to win this game. Unfortunately this string of poor play continued throughout that day. We were lucky to beat both Bath and Birmingham in closely fought games, simply due to shear chance, the team was just not gelling. I liken it to a latex condom in a swamp of oil based lubricant (amongst other juices); in the end you're gonna fall apart... And we did, against Southampton. I can't fully remember the the full breakdown of the game, but I remember it being close and going into extra time for a golden goal. However they managed to get the one on us first.

Meanwhile Cardiff Uni A's were having a fairly shocking time, it looked as though they were playing decently, however their group was fairly tasty, and they just weren't winning the games. Below may show why:

Eyes were constantly closed

I believe that they ended 5th in their group, so not great. Ending second in our group however wasn't the end of the world, and we hit the pub for the evening.

Sunday morning rolled around after the Saturday night party, and my hangover was non-existant. However neither were the memories of the night before. All I remember was being great at table football, shame that wasn't the competition.

Our first game was against Bangor in the quarters. This was going to be a tough game, and required us to step up to the plate. The game was our best so far, not perfect but I was willing to take it. We managed to work together slightly, and although a few mistakes fed through, we held a good game. We managed to take the win and progress to the semi's.

This may be a goal in the making - I don't remember

Warwick next, and once again we really played as a team. We again took the match which put us through to the finals, against Southampton. Meanwhile the Cardiff Uni B team had also achieved finals status. They played a Southampton team also, and it was a really well played game from both teams. I remember Blake May making some cracking saves, but unfortunately from a Cardiff perspective, Southampton took the win, but fair play to the B's.

Blake in keeping mode

So our final. Well this was a grudge match, and we were playing much better than Saturday. Also the last game was so close that we knew we could steal this title from Southampton (thus far having won every game). We started really well, and I think taking the first point, and holding onto the lead through to half time. A team talk to say we were doing well, and to keep up the good work took us into the second half thinking it was our time to shine. A tough fought second half unfortunately saw us 3-2 down. However a break from Max with Andy getting the ball to him against an open goal mean we clinched the draw. The final whistle blew, so golden goal it was. I was up to sprint, and rushed off the line to start. Getting to the ball first, I dipped my boat under the opposing player, but got flustered. The large phallic object protruding toward my face had me more dazed than one of Muhammad Ali's opponents, and the Southampton player grabbed the ball from in front of my eyes. A quick pass saw them in our area whilst my team had thought I had the ball. A one on one with Morgan in goal, and the shooter misses. However this was because Morgan was playing 'where's the goal' with his paddles and moving it all over the place in a cheeky attempt of outwitting the game:

Morgan thinking on his feet.

However this tactic is not generally allowed, and Southampton were given a penalty, in golden goal, where they get a shoot at an undefended goal. Seeing Southampton miss this would have been more unlikely than seeing a fatty turn down a dessert menu, it just ain't gonna happen. Basically we were screwed. Southamption got the goal and therefore the gold.

A big shout to Southampton for winning, and also to Canoe and Kayak Store for setting up a stand over the weekend and providing prizes for the charity raffle.

They must be a fairly amazing team, as they were the only ones to have beaten us all weekend.

Good luck to them in BUCS this year. I would say the same to Cardiff, however I think I have more chance of selling headphones to a deaf girl than they do of winning. Sorry guys, but there you go :-P

Till next time