Stuff The Consequences: Cardiff Uni Canoe Polo Tournament

The 16^th and 17^th March saw the annual Cardiff Uni Canoe Polo (CUCP) tournament held at Taf Bargoed near Trelewis. This is where a horde of students, who thrive in freezing cold conditions, descend on South Wales to play a sport that was invented to bore the pants off even the blandest of people. I imagine that Jeremy Vine would even find this game to tedious to discuss on his seemingly never ending radio program.

You may be asking why the hell this game is being blogged about on STC as opposed to PTC, and the reason is that CUCP marks the anniversary of the first post on STC, so I have decided that it is an apt place to post the CUCP blog.

Cardiff Old Boys entered a team, who Dave Underhill (of MadeAlmostEntirelyOutOfSteel fame) was meant to be co-ordinating. However the buck eventually was passed up the chain to yours truly, despite my never dying hatred for the game of Canoe Polo. Luckily Sam Austin and Eira Jepson were able to sort boats and kit out, so we had the equipment to play. All I had to do was rock up on the day and inspire.

Cardiff Old Boys Team

Saturday morning was the reunion of the Old Boys and Old Girls, some of whom hadn’t seen each other for nearly a year. This meant that excessive bodily contact was in order as well as having to hear about each other’s boring lives and what codswallop they had been up to recently. To save the suspense for all you readers, the latest and greatest piece of news from the camp was that one of us is thinking about buying a new car, but they may decide not to (at least we wasted each other’s time by going through the incessant routine of exchanging pleasantries, as opposed to getting on with our lives and getting this polo malarkey over and done with). Once this was complete, the day started.

A couple of the players hadn’t been in a polo boat for a while, which meant skills were lacking somewhat. However what we lacked in skill, we truly made up for in muscle definition. It was as though I had plucked a team from members of a local Hollister photo-shoot.

The team at their best

Our first game was against Bangor, who in previous years have gone on to win CUCP. We got our game faces on, and with 7 people we knew that each player could go all out (as we had two substitutes). The game was well fought from the Cardiff side, and the first goal of the day was scored by the teams Captain. Yes, that is I and the goal was a blinder. The goalie was throwing the ball out, and I managed to get contact with it mid-flight and deflect it back into the goal. We went on to win the game, which was likely down to my truly epic leadership. This was a good start to the day, where the first game tends to be a difficult one.

Bangor Game

With a short break, we then had two games on the bounce: Southampton and then Nottingham. Southampton started with 3 men, because they were running seriously late and didn’t have the technical leadership Cardiff Old Boys had, meaning we got a decent lead in the opening minutes. The game was easily won once they were up to a full team however, so the lack of players didn’t affect them much.

During this time, the Cardiff A team were not doing so well. I wasn't really paying attention to their games in the long run, but they were loosing quite a lot, and with skills shown below one wouldn't know why:

Max laying down the law

Handy ball carrier too. With Jonny King just chilling in the background, probably wondering what day it is.

Cardiff Old Boys Managed to get to the Nottingham game before Nottingham were ready, due to the fact that the Old Boys are as superbly organised as the carbon atoms in a diamond. We had a hard game on our hands, Nottingham are a notoriously good team, and we had our best 5 ready to go. The game was close, with Nottingham missing a couple open goals which was lucky as we finished the game only 1 goal in front.

The way the first division was run, the 8 teams were split into 2 groups, meaning that we were currently at the top but having to play the same teams one more time. This lead to us playing Southampton again and for a second time they couldn’t get their team ready on time, so we got a fair few goals on just 3 players. This farce of a game lead to a win from Cardiff, and it was Bangor next.

The day up until now had been fairly wet, and the polo secretary for Cardiff had been hospitalised. The President then went on to make a call to cancel the rest of the games in the day due to the poor weather (which for some reason was catching everyone by surprise. Who’d have thought South Wales in winter could be cold and wet?) This effectively meant that the Old Boys were top of their group. However, Bangor were still up for playing, being Welsh themselves they had factored in the cold and were coping well. Despite the risk that losing to them could cause to our position, we bravely decided to play despite the cancelation, as they had driven 4-5 hours to play polo. Luckily we still managed to give them a decent opposition and won the game, although I believe the game was a lot closer than before. I do remember the water being so cold that catching and holding the ball was a real chore. It was so cold in fact that the local rats had found body warmers and were confidently strutting their stuff around the tarmac:

A rat in a coat - very strange!

This thing is making it look a lot warmer and cosier than it was, believe me.

This ended our first day on 5 successive wins, and the Old Boys at the top of their group. We then headed back to Cardiff to watch the deciding Six Nations game. What a travesty, once again Wales somehow pulled it out of the bag. I would like to say they were lucky, but they simply dominated. So to drown our English sorrows, we ordered a Dominos and had some beers.

Hangover free and ready to get the weekend over with, I woke up Sunday morning to get a lift with Helen Jarvis of the Old Girls team. With a 1050 start against Birmingham, the Old Boys were feeling confident. However this was slightly misplaced, as we played truly badly. The game seemed sluggish, without any urgency that we displayed the day before and we only scraped a win against a side that was doing poorly in the competition. However a win is a win, and this took us to the Semi-finals where we were to meet Bangor once again.

With two wins against Bangor so far this weekend, you may think that this would be an easy game, however we were seriously not on form. I assume the loss in the Six Nations had taken away our drive or even the sorrows that James Grant (of I’m Not Injured) had taken the day off playing, because we were just embarrassing. Somehow we had snatched the win, although I am sceptical as to whether we deserved it, and therefore we were in the final.

James Grant looking smug with his decision not to get on.

With 3 hours between the Bangor game and the final we got changed into dry kit. Mez Williams decided to go for a shopping spree in Cardiff, whilst the rest of us remained in polo mode. During the weekend the Cardiff Old Girls and Cardiff Uni Ladies had done brilliantly, also remaining undefeated so that they would face each other in the final and Cardiff Uni Bs also made their final.

Cardiff Uni Bs were facing ULU, who are an exceptionally good polo uni and their B team hadn’t conceded a goal all weekend. The game was very well played by a Cardiff side that had mostly only started playing this year, showing a lot of promise for the future. Cardiff eventually won the Silver medal, unfortunately being piped by ULU, but scoring the only goal ULU conceded.

The ladies final was also close, but an experienced Old Girls side showed the youngsters what for. The game was full of cards, the first of which was shown 20 seconds in and with a yellow in the second half, as apparently the two sides had put aside friendships and sportsmanship for a win!!!

This is an example of one of the fouls. You may not know, but grabbing the nose of someone else's boat in a bit of a no-no.

With Mez back from household duties, the men’s final was Cardiff Old Boys vs. Warwick Uni. Warwick had been playing amazingly all weekend and this was clearly to be our hardest game. Both teams were slow playing the first half, trying to get a good shot at goal, yet neither team was letting up.

Mez with a good save

I missed our first chance, which was a half-way shot at an open goal and the ball hit the top rope that holds the goal in place. I believe Warwick scored first, but we quickly equalised.

Tussle for the ball

Sam splashing a Warwick chap in the face - dirty tactics come into play

The result of the Second Half sprint, this turned out to be a foul! Controversial if you ask me, it all looks kosher.

With Warwick’s second goal coming in the second half, we knew that it was all or nothing and pushed out. However with a couple minutes to go Warwick’s No. 5 managed an over the head shot which flew into the net. Albeit a good push from Cardiff, and the best game we had played all day, Warwick took the win at 3-1 as well as the gold medal (probably very deservingly).