Stuff The Consequences: A weekend of fun, facts and Parkour

Friday 15^th to Sunday 17^th Feb saw the annual Cardiff Uni Kayakers trip to Devon to try and run some of the English classics. However, the typical British weather failed us, as there was not enough rain beforehand to really give the rivers what they needed.

I drove my new car, who has been christened Matilda, down to Devon with Stu Sheath, Max Emery and Jonny King of Procrastinate. Having the day off on Friday meant we could get away early and grab a pub meal before the Uni lot turned up for another evening of drinking and games, hopefully similar to that detailed in our North Wales adventures. We managed to get away early because of Jonny King's new resolution to be more punctual. It seems to be working at the moment, so lets hope that it stays that way.

Matilda fully loaded

The drive down was traffic free and Matilda did her job well, getting us to the pub to meet Simon and Chris (a couple of the Uni Kayakers currently on placement). Although Matilda got us to our destination, is wasn't as simple as getting from A to B (there was a small amount of C, with a pinch of D thrown in for good measure). The four of us got slightly lost in Dartmoor itself; rumours do tell of pixes, headless horsemen and rabid dogs, but we all live in Cardiff which is descended upon weekly by much scarier creatures - Valleys folk. So none of us were fazed by the apparent danger we may or may not have been in. To be honest, I would much rather be attacked by a headless chump riding a horse than be out on a Saturday night in Walkabout and have a Valleys slag wrap her cellulite ridden legs around me, screeching in some incomprehensible Welsh tongue!

The food in the Pub in Widecombe was cracking and set us all up for a good evening. The six of us got to the bunkhouse and managed to get the fire going and have the place warming up by the time the Uni lot arrived. Then we all settled and had some beers and some laughs. I was back on the Gin and Juice, but didn't hit it as hard as I did in North Wales due to the fact that I needed to be able to drive the next day. There were a couple of drinking games played, and because we had no playing cards, therefore meaning that High Card Something Bad couldn't be enjoyed, we thought of another way of working it in. We played a game that is notorious with Cardiff University Kayakers, called The Grand Old Duke Of York. This is basically where you go round in a circle, and in order each person has to say the next word of the nursery rhyme. However to make things more exciting, if a person got the word wrong they had to do Something Bad. I can't relay details, as that is against the spirit of the game, but there were copious Bad Things done including a shot of alcohol from someones hairy belly-button (This was in no way one of the worst things, but it was a certain current President of the club that had to do the shot!!!).

Waking up Saturday morning I was feeling slightly hung over, but this was slept off before the club had the chance to get ready. A quick jump out of bed, a shower and into clothes, I was in Matilda ready to drive to the get on for the Dart Loop. Although the morning was cold, we kitted up and people were looking ready to take on the river. Because the Uni lot faff so much, it was easy for Jonny King to merge into the background and seem as though he was running at a good pace;

Jonny King; don't let his devilishly good looks fool you, he is truly clueless

The plethora of boats at the get on

The loop was fun, and our group managed it with style and grace. The afternoon run was the Upper Dart, but with very little water :-( It took about an hour to an hour and a half from getting off of the loop to starting the Upper section. Seeing as there were around 20 to 25 people, that is at least a whole day's worth of man hours wasted! Think of the achievements that could have been accomplished in that time. Jonny may have even been able to finish the latest novel he's been engrossed in within that time frame!!

The middle section of the run was a good laugh, but once again I messed up Surprise, Surprise (although my line apparently looked OK). The group behind us took a while to get down, and therefore Max, Stu, Jonny and I went to meet the people who didn't boat the Upper, at the River Dart Country Park, where they apparently had a wicked afternoon of Pirate Ships, Zip Wires and Climbing Frames.

With a little bit of fear that the group still on the river may not have finished before it was dark, we went back to check the score, only to find them pass us in the minibus half way there. So we headed back to the bunkhouse to prepare for the evening. This composed of a shower and a snooze. Unfortunately I seem to have arrived at a stage that a simple snooze didn't recharge the batteries, yet allowed them to drain completely. This meant that the dinner call was completely unwelcome, but I hauled myself out of bed, and after food was consumed it proved the right thing to do.

Saturday evening was when Lucie Parkinson, a soon to be doctor, stated as fact that any alcohol above 20% concentration is not absorbed by the body. She apparently was told that the body would absorb 20% alcohol and no more would enter the body (I'm finding her logic hard to re-explain due to its absurdity, but I will continue). This is clearly not what she was told, but what she thought she heard. I have found a link that gives the fact a lot more clearly and well explained. Essentially above 20-25% there is a potential delay of the alcohol to the Small Intestine, meaning that there is a clear delay of it being in the area of highest absorption rate. Lucie seemed to make the assumption that this meant any other alcohol was not absorbed. Dave Underhill put it to her that a person who drank a pint of 40% would therefore be at the same blood alcohol at the end of the night as a person who consumed a pint of 20%, which Lucie said would be the case, as the extra 20% that the first hypothetical person drank would not be absorbed... No Lucie, the theory states that it wouldn't absorb in the same amount of time, not that it isn't fully (or at least close to fully) absorbed. This is a scary world when Doctors think along these lines! This is enough of a rant on this subject, but I thought that it required a mention.

The end of Saturday night saw some loud drinking games and at least three completed rounds of Grand Old Duke Of York. Clearly the small contingent of people left on the Saturday night/Sunday morning were nurtured as kids, and were taught the words of many a nursery rhyme.

On Sunday we went for a walk in Dartmoor, which was rad. About two and a half hours of easy walking, nice scenery and climbing tors was a pleasant way to spend a day that couldn't provide any kayaking. The wind was absolutely ragging it, making standing on top of the Tors a more nerving experience. Myself, Blake May and Huw Beckett (two new lads to Cardiff Uni Kayakers) Parkour'd our way around the Tor's of the moors, with numerous flips, rolls and 360 spins (although the photo's don't do it justice, there were some dope-whack moves pulled out):