Middle Tawe - Sunday 27th January

You may have guessed, with the rain we've been having and the snow melt that comes with it, there was a fair amount of water in South Wales this weekend. I'm sure this sort of weather pattern would be seeing England warning of floods as well as homeowners frantically buying sandbags, but in Wales the norm has been restored. This is something that I have been waiting for, Christmas is now a distant memory as is the snow that followed. I have to say that I am not a Grinch; firstly because the Grinch eventually sells out and for some reason starts liking Christmas - When I've made my mind up about something, I stubbornly stick to my guns regardless of whether I am right or wrong; and secondly because I do not hate Christmas. I only dislike it as well as the snow and crappy Christmas cheer that seems to come along with it. Luckily the Christmas credit card bills and failing New Year resolutions brings the nation back down to earth :-)

With this, Jonny King and Stu Sheath, from Procrastinate, along with Lucie Parkinson and myself went for a paddle on the Tawe this Sunday just been. The four of us headed to the River, Jonny and I taking a minor detour as we were following a random car with boats on, and not Stu and Lucie, but we all ended up in the right place. The river was reading a 7.5 on the little gauge at the get on, and was looking high. The three of us decided that Lucie would be able to cope, mostly because she was going to be led by two manly men, and also Jonny! but also because we were just excited about getting on and didn't want to wait. With it being colder than the hairs on a polar bear's bum, we got into our gear quicker than a Prostitute having been paid and got the shuttle over in double time.

The start of the run was real quick down to the slides, and there were some sweet wave trains. Lucie was coping fine, which clearly displayed the talents of whoever was leading.

Now if you’re an avid STC reader, you may know that I always seem to have something derogatory to say about Jonny King. It's not that I try to be harsh, but he is as clueless as Shaggy and Scooby before the Advert break, and happens to be one of those chaps who is hard to paint in a good light.

Uncanny resemblance here!

Yet this Sunday he was fairly on the ball, turning up on time-ish at Team House (Stu’s abode), as well as being switched on when we were on the river. However this slightly changed when we got to the fall on the Tawe (Pen y Cae), which Stu and I styled in a joint boof seeing us land at the same time. We were just like Tom Daley and Peter Waterfield, landing in the pool with perfect synchronicity, only we have better abs and Stu looks a lot younger than Tom as well as me being a lot paler than Peter.

The lads trying to emulate our moves; however Peter, it looks like your hands are half a foot lower than they should be!

Stu and I showing the way to run a drop

Jonny's first run

Lucie's run

I freeze framed these images whilst they were on the lip to avoid showing how neither of them managed the drop well ;-), and I definitely haven't shown an image of me running for the third time as this was a disaster

So as Jonny was walking up to have another run, Stu had a cracking idea of getting all three of us to drop off at the same time. What we hadn’t factored in was Jonny’s inability to control his boat during the very short free fall. Adding him to the mix was unfortunately similar to smothering BBQ Sauce over an exquisite filet mignon with peppercorn sauce, which is what I imagine a fat American would do. Much like the tenderness of the beef fillet being enhanced by the fiery peppercorn creaminess, Stu and I made glorious kayaking art together. However when Jonny was placed in-between the two of us, he managed to turn sideways whilst running the drop, landing his stern on top of me and cutting my ear, and landing his bow underneath Stu, completely destroying the former magic the two of us had previously made.

The three of us lining up. It looks so promising

Lucie took a knock to the head further down the run, ending up in a swim. I scrambled out of my boat in the nick of time, got my throwbag ready and threw the line just as she was swimming past. The unfortunate reality of the situation was that the line ended about 3 meters upstream of her, and therefore was no use at all. Stu and Jonny managed to sort the situation out and we got to the bottom feeling happy about a good run.

Driving back to the top, we met up with the Cardiff Uni Kayakers, who were preparing to jump on. Jonny, Stu and I were already set for another run, and said that we would get on with them. Unfortunately this is when the faffing began. We thought Jonny was able to faff like no other, but apparently as he was on time today, the world's 'faff books' needed to be balanced, and it was Cardiff Uni to the rescue. It took about an hour for the Uni lot to get themselves in a fit state to jump on. If it ever came to a nuclear evacuation, these lot would be left behind due to their shear inability to move above a snail’s pace. They would probably be able to get far enough away to avoid being melted by the blast, and just receive a good old radiation dose. (However it did work for Spiderman, and although I’m not recommending it, you can clearly see the benefits in The Amazing Spider-Man movie).

The gauge was showing around a 6 by the time we got back, and this was fairly obvious from the character of the river. The run was still good fun, and the main rapids were fairly well styled by the uni. Chris Corkill nearly re-arranged his face on one of the slides, but managed to just get his arm in the way first and Helena Goode did an amazing 360 spin whilst descending the same slide. It would have been great to say it was on purpose, but alas, I fear it was accidental. It was a cracking day, and good to see the rust off that had settled over the festive period.

The evening ended with the traditional curry in the Balti Cuisine on Woodville Road, where I had a cracking meal, albeit one not in line with a tradition athlete's diet. Jonny and Stu tried to show their manliness by going for a hot curry (the names of which escape me), but this manly facade soon crumbled when Jonny started crying and sweating like a fat child being made to run!

Once again, thanks for reading.
Till next time...