Middle Tawe - Sunday 27th January

You may have guessed, with the rain we've been having and the snow melt that comes with it, there was a fair amount of water in South Wales this weekend. I'm sure this sort of weather pattern would be seeing England warning of floods as well as homeowners frantically buying sandbags, but in Wales the norm has been restored. This is something that I have been waiting for, Christmas is now a distant memory as is the snow that followed. I have to say that I am not a Grinch; firstly because the Grinch eventually sells out and for some reason starts liking Christmas - When I've made my mind up about something, I stubbornly stick to my guns regardless of whether I am right or wrong; and secondly because I do not hate Christmas. I only dislike it as well as the snow and crappy Christmas cheer that seems to come along with it. Luckily the Christmas credit card bills and failing New Year resolutions brings the nation back down to earth :-)

With this, Jonny King and Stu Sheath, from Procrastinate, along with Lucie Parkinson and myself went for a paddle on the Tawe this Sunday just been. The four of us headed to the River, Jonny and I taking a minor detour as we were following a random car with boats on, and not Stu and Lucie, but we all ended up in the right place. The river was reading a 7.5 on the little gauge at the get on, and was looking high. The three of us decided that Lucie would be able to cope, mostly because she was going to be led by two manly men, and also Jonny! but also because we were just excited about getting on and didn't want to wait. With it being colder than the hairs on a polar bear's bum, we got into our gear quicker than a Prostitute having been paid and got the shuttle over in double time.

The start of the run was real quick down to the slides, and there were some sweet wave trains. Lucie was coping fine, which clearly displayed the talents of whoever was leading.

Now if you’re an avid STC reader, you may know that I always seem to have something derogatory to say about Jonny King. It's not that I try to be harsh, but he is as clueless as Shaggy and Scooby before the Advert break, and happens to be one of those chaps who is hard to paint in a good light.

Uncanny resemblance here!

Yet this Sunday he was fairly on the ball, turning up on time-ish at Team House (Stu’s abode), as well as being switched on when we were on the river. However this slightly changed when we got to the fall on the Tawe (Pen y Cae), which Stu and I styled in a joint boof seeing us land at the same time. We were just like Tom Daley and Peter Waterfield, landing in the pool with perfect synchronicity, only we have better abs and Stu looks a lot younger than Tom as well as me being a lot paler than Peter.

The lads trying to emulate our moves; however Peter, it looks like your hands are half a foot lower than they should be!

Stu and I showing the way to run a drop

Jonny's first run

Lucie's run

I freeze framed these images whilst they were on the lip to avoid showing how neither of them managed the drop well ;-), and I definitely haven't shown an image of me running for the third time as this was a disaster

So as Jonny was walking up to have another run, Stu had a cracking idea of getting all three of us to drop off at the same time. What we hadn’t factored in was Jonny’s inability to control his boat during the very short free fall. Adding him to the mix was unfortunately similar to smothering BBQ Sauce over an exquisite filet mignon with peppercorn sauce, which is what I imagine a fat American would do. Much like the tenderness of the beef fillet being enhanced by the fiery peppercorn creaminess, Stu and I made glorious kayaking art together. However when Jonny was placed in-between the two of us, he managed to turn sideways whilst running the drop, landing his stern on top of me and cutting my ear, and landing his bow underneath Stu, completely destroying the former magic the two of us had previously made.

The three of us lining up. It looks so promising

Lucie took a knock to the head further down the run, ending up in a swim. I scrambled out of my boat in the nick of time, got my throwbag ready and threw the line just as she was swimming past. The unfortunate reality of the situation was that the line ended about 3 meters upstream of her, and therefore was no use at all. Stu and Jonny managed to sort the situation out and we got to the bottom feeling happy about a good run.

Driving back to the top, we met up with the Cardiff Uni Kayakers, who were preparing to jump on. Jonny, Stu and I were already set for another run, and said that we would get on with them. Unfortunately this is when the faffing began. We thought Jonny was able to faff like no other, but apparently as he was on time today, the world's 'faff books' needed to be balanced, and it was Cardiff Uni to the rescue. It took about an hour for the Uni lot to get themselves in a fit state to jump on. If it ever came to a nuclear evacuation, these lot would be left behind due to their shear inability to move above a snail’s pace. They would probably be able to get far enough away to avoid being melted by the blast, and just receive a good old radiation dose. (However it did work for Spiderman, and although I’m not recommending it, you can clearly see the benefits in The Amazing Spider-Man movie).

The gauge was showing around a 6 by the time we got back, and this was fairly obvious from the character of the river. The run was still good fun, and the main rapids were fairly well styled by the uni. Chris Corkill nearly re-arranged his face on one of the slides, but managed to just get his arm in the way first and Helena Goode did an amazing 360 spin whilst descending the same slide. It would have been great to say it was on purpose, but alas, I fear it was accidental. It was a cracking day, and good to see the rust off that had settled over the festive period.

The evening ended with the traditional curry in the Balti Cuisine on Woodville Road, where I had a cracking meal, albeit one not in line with a tradition athlete's diet. Jonny and Stu tried to show their manliness by going for a hot curry (the names of which escape me), but this manly facade soon crumbled when Jonny started crying and sweating like a fat child being made to run!

Once again, thanks for reading.
Till next time...

Taf Fechan - the night before & the journey home

Friday 14th saw the end of term for Cardiff Uni, and the usual ' Drink The Bar Dry' which I attended with some of the Cardiff Uni Kayakers. A few pre-drinks at Jonny King's saw some laughs, then a sweet night spent in the Student Union. My memory does not serve me overly well, so tales of the evening will have to go un-regaled.

Rowan rocking it RSB style

This night on the 'razz' saw in Saturday feeling absolutely shattered. Unfortunately I am not built for late nights; apparently my body likes it's 8 hours sleep to start on the night prior to my wake up, as opposed to the early hours of the day that I am meant to be getting out of bed. Therefore at 08:00, when my body feels though it should normally be getting out of bed, my head was spinning.

Everyone in a merged orgy

Luckily my brain kicked in, knowing that I had nothing planned for the day, I headed back to the land of nod. 11:30 came, and from the warmth of the bed, I saw there was water in South Wales. Getting hold of Procrastinate's Max Emery and Stu Sheath, both of whom were also hung over, the Taf Fechan was the river of choice.


Stu's girlfriend had his straps and roofracks, so all 4 boats went on Joanna (my Saxo). This made her heavy and sluggish, increasing my view that overweight women are just no help! The slightest incline saw her power drop, and our speed decrease! This was thoroughly annoying, yet we got to the river, and there was water in it!

Stu getting ready at the Taf Fechan get on

Stu and I went to run the shuttle with Max map reading. This meant that we were leaving Jonny at the top with the boats. Now you may think that this is a bad idea, and reading the NSPCC website, namely "what the law says", it does show that children shouldn't be left alone (I assume this also means adults who have the intellectual capacity of a child as well!). Luckily Jonny met someone to whom he was intellectually superior:

Jonny's latest friend

Apparently her name was Abigail, and Jonny and her shared an apple together.
Actually, now I am thinking about it, if it was the same Jonny we saw at Drink The Bar Dry on Friday, he was probably flirting with her!
Hhmmm... Now I'm glad that no-one else turned up.





With the Shuttle over, we were getting onto the river at around 15:00, so I was hoping for a relatively fast run, as we estimated about an hour and a half of useful light left. This increased my nerves a bit, but when on the river it didn't seem to matter any more. The run was a beaut. and although there were trees in some of the sections, which was a real shame, the run was great fun.

A cheeky Go-Pro screen shot from the river

It was a real treat to be boating again, even if motivation was low during the drive up. The best part of it was that this was a first run for us all, which made it tremendously fun. We finished the river at around 16:20, so perfect timing really, as it was just getting dark. And by the time we picked up Stu's car it was dark.

Screen Shot of the get off - Showing just how dark it was

Now, I have always been sceptical about the roof-racks on Joanna, and today confirmed my suspicions. Jonny and I were in the Saxo, and on the A470 when it happened. The rear bar of my racks came off. All I heard was a noise from above, and then in the rear view mirror I see Stu's boat flying! I pull over immediately and Jonny and I get the boats off the road, running onto the A470 like mad-men. Luckily the cars behind stopped in time and didn't get hit by the boats. Max came running up to help, and him and Stu were close behind, and we cleared the road.

A Copper pulled up about a minute after, with the small amount of traffic behind us now cleared and made sure everything was OK, seeming very casual about the while thing.
Copper, "Everything alright boys?"
Me, "Yer, the roof-rack has broken."
Copper,"Oh, OK. Wanna make sure everything is off of the road now I'm here?"
Me, "Yer alright, sounds like a plan"

As he reversed up the road, I had a quick sweep over, but the lads had done a good job getting the debris off of the carriageway.

The Officer then asked us to pull our cars off the road a bit more, and then to all our surprise he just drive off, clearly he thought we had it under our control. Both Stu and I put on our high visibility jackets to look the part (a very important part of roadside safety), and Max got on the case of getting someone to help get the boats back, as my roof-rack didn't fair well in it's tumbling to earth.

This is the part of the story where the Hero's of the day are named. Max managed to get Helena Goode and Zoe Pelech to come and pick up the boats. A conversation that started, "Hi Helena, can you do me a MASSIVE favour..."

So Helena and Zoe drove to find us on the A470, and took the four boats back to Cardiff. Dunno what we would have done without them, and a massive thanks has to go out to them both, coming to find us and give us a hand on a Saturday night.

Assessing the damage to the boats showed that they were in good nick still, and the roof of Joanna also seems fine. The only thing that broke was feet of the roof-rack, and all in all a good outcome from what could have been a catastrophic f**k-up.

Hope that was an interesting read, and a Merry Christmas to Everyone.

Till next year...

A Weekend of Fun

So, its Thursday evening and I get hold of Dave Underhill. Its been raining so much that boating is needed. With the boat on the car, and kit inside as well, we're contemplating a new river, which always adds the danger factor. I'm nervous and excited, its like a school girl getting ready for her Prom; you know you're gonna have a cracking time, however there is a large chance you could get fucked!

So now it's Friday and I'm at work, but as ever, the slightest talk of boating had dried up the sky. It's as though Mother Nature isn't getting the foreplay she desires! However we decide that the Rhondda may have some water in, so the plan was to meet at 13:00 at the get off. As I drive up, it is clear that the river is nice and full. We get changed, both boats on Dave's car, and off to the top. The run was a real good laugh, and getting to the bottom we decide another is in order. So quick shuttle and back on it. This time Dave decides that I need to follow him close so that we can get a good video of him on the rapid. However this sort of takes from our sense of how to actually run the rapid, and we both get dangerously close to getting munched by the rather large stopper.

Seeing sky after following Dave

But it was sweet to get back on a river, and I'm glad we did get on something.

Now it's Saturday night, after a day of chilling out and watching Wales lose to New Zealand, and I am once again getting prepared for tomorrow's boating adventure. It's raining hard in Cardiff, so hard in fact that it's as though the clouds have employed the best fluffer money can buy! I've still got that feeling of being a girl on her way to the prom, I just really don't want the get spanked too hard tomorrow!

Sunday morning took too long to arrive, and waking up at 07:00 wasn't pleasant. Getting my stuff together to meet Dave for 07:30 did excite me, but checking the online gauges took this feeling of inner happiness away, and I really don't enough that I can afford to lose any! Although the gauges were reading medium for the Mellte and Tawe, this meant that the Giedd would not be running, nor the Upper Tawe. These were the two rivers we were gonna be looking at if water was high. However the option was to meet Max and Stu from Pro-crastinate at the get off for the Nedd Fechan, along with Will Bevan. Now if you're a reader of the Stuff The Consequences blogs, you may notice the name Will Bevan, and this is fo sho the one and only Adam West to my Christian Bale. This was gonna be his first time on the Nedd and the Mellte, so it was still gonna be an interesting day, regardless of the boating we could have had.

The Mellte was on a 0.7 in the morning, but as both Dave and I hadn't run the Nedd in a while, and the others not at all, this was gonna be the first river. So a drive to the top and a quick shuttle saw us on it. The first couple small drops saw us on form, and the river was a treat. It did have a fair amount of trees in, two of which were in drops that would have been quality to run, but this really didn't detract from what is a spectacular river. The most notable event on the Nedd Fechan was the drop that has a shallow landing. A quick look, and Stu said he was doing it. Dave and I looked on nervously, but Stu styled it; a nice boof and a as-good-as flat landing.

Stu headcam on the lip

Then I was to run, again I got a good flat land, however pulled slightly too hard, trying to gain some speed, and landed sideways. However the fact that it was flat was all I was concerned with.

My headcam still from the lip (what's nice about this is that you can still see the Welsh Club stamp on my hand from Friday. I swear the ink cannot be washed off!)

Then it was Dave's turn! Well, as the last to run it, and seeing that both Stu and I got a nice flat land you could probably have agreed that the run was OK to go, but we still were not sure on depth. Dave now wanted to prove just how deep the pool was, and wasn't gonna give a dam about his body during this escapade. There is a slight rumour going around that Dave is 'made almost entirely out of steel', and I dunno how true this is, but he re-surfaced unscathed. 

Dave nice and vertical

Apart for this, there was not much else of massive note about the river. Getting down to the bottom, it was obvious that Will had a sweet ride, and then it was off the the Mellte.

Getting to the top of the Mellte, we met a couple lads who were waiting on the rest of their group, and had been for about an hour. If I had been made to wait over an hour for others, there would be some serious law being laid down when they eventually turned up. We ran the shuttle, and by the time we were ready to crack on, the boys had found out the rest of the group had been caught in some floods. They seemed to think this was a fair excuse, but if it were I who was caught in a flood, do you know what I would do? Not be caught in a flood! But it seemed as though these fools hadn't considered that approach. I guess that's why I got a First Class Hons Masters degree, and they're just mincing around some puddles! So we let the lads join in our group, and to the get on it was.

So the 15ft drop was gonna be the first drop that Will would have done (except a low Right Angle on the Etive), and he did it very well. When he got to the bottom you could see on his face that he was happy. Do you know that face a baby makes, straight after it has been crying because it crapped itself, and just as its mother is opening the nappy to find a holocaust of liquid excrement? Well that's the face that Will had at the bottom pool! A smug smile, whilst saying with his eyes, 'yep, that just happened. I did that', and well deserved too.

Will on 15ft

My 15ft

15ft head cam shot

Stu's 15ft run

The run down to the big drop was quick, and we had a cheeky scout of the large drop. All of us, except Will, were gonna attempt the double, with Will giving the full whack a go. Here are the results:

Dave going first

Now I didn't see Dave go, as I went second, and was on the water by this point. What I did see however was him stopping at the top of the drop to line up. This messed with my head, because I was under the impression that we'd already decided a line, but oh well.

My head footage

So straight after Dave I ran it, and its wasn't amazing. I got the boof on the first drop, but was far too left, and didn't react fast enough going down the second, and went in at about 50 degrees.

Andy (one of the chaps who we met) nailing his line

Andy was one of the boys we met at the get on, and he ran the double after me. And he fucking nailed it, a beautiful double boof to crowning glory.

Max running double

Stu running double

Will running the beast

Will once again did very well, and run the full thing almost perfectly. When he tucked up, he rotated with it, and therefore re-surfaced upside down, but still, it was cracking.

From here the rest of the river is still a beauty to run, but not much to really talk about. There were trees about, but all could be paddled around. The whole day was awesome, and even though it wasn't the boating expected, it was still a beaut.

We went to the pub at the get off for the Nedd Fechan for a swift drink before returning to Cardiff. Lucie Parkinson had spent the day slaving over a hot oven to prepare a cottage pie for us lads, and a vegetable whatever for gay boy Max. It was a sweet way to end the evening, and the cottage pie was cracking. A massive thank you to Lucie, and to whomever taught her how to cook, one would assume Lucie's mother, who I hear is a Stuff The Consequences follower ;-).

There will be a video coming from somewhere of this trip soon, although how soon cannot be disclosed for security reasons.

North Wales: a weekend of drink, high cards and things that are bad

Once again it is Blogging time. This weekend saw Cardiff Uni Kayakers annual trip to North Wales, and by Jove was it a good'un. There are other blogs on this weekend, from CUK's treasurer Rowan Phillips as well as Procrastinate's Fran Smith. Each has its own tale of the weekend, and now it is time for Stuff The Consequences' Rob Haley to spin some beautiful words about the event, at least what can be remembered.

Friday saw the start of it all. Lucie P, well know by her nickname "The Puddler", had previously offered to give Myself, Stu "Baby Swan" Sheath and Jonny "Faff Central" King a lift in her car. The idea was to meet at Team House (which is where Stu lives) and then pack boats and kit into/onto the car. However Jonny had once again managed to get this wrong, and both Stu and I were back from work and ready before he had any chance for his brain to engage to the situation. Unfortunately simple acts that you and I take for granted (such as moving and breathing) engage too much of Jonny's brain rendering him useless for any situation that requires thought processing.

The Loaded Car

Anyway, we eventually got onto the A470, although there was a little bit of traffic now as Jonny's time had made us late.

To justify some of the actions that may or may not be explained in this blog post, I have to ensure that those reading this know I had not had an alcoholic beverage for at least two months prior to this trip, and Jonny, Stu and I were planning on drinking on our way up. Stu had prepared for this by purchasing a litre bottle of Southern Comfort. I need to state that Jonny also contributed, but as it was Tesco Value lemonade, you can clearly see that it wasn't much of a contribution. We eventually hit Brecon, and this was the time of the journey we agreed drinking was acceptable, so we started.

Somehow the Southern Comfort and Lemonade went down very quickly, and a stop was needed, both for voiding bladders and more alcohol to be obtained. I am not one for mixing my drinks, as that sort of thing leads to a case of the crazies, such as Britney Spears, so I went and bought another 75cl of Southern Comfort from a Spar. This also seemed to go down quickly, and led to some adverse affects. Now I do remember that we for some reason got topless, but apparently there was more. However, if you can't remember it didn't happen; that's what I say. What I do remember is that we were singing better than any X-Factor contestant could dream, and that our flexing muscles were distracting Lucie beyond belief, as you may be able to see below.

Pure Manliness

I don't remember taking this photo, but I can only assume it was very distracting for the driver, and I apologise for it. So clearly I can't really tell you much more about the journey, as I just don't remember. However I do remember getting to the Bunkhouse and seeing Fran Smith's and Simon Hutt's cars parked up. So we ran in, still topless, as getting dressed to go inside does seem senseless. Like, the more I think of it, the more sensible it seems. The only reason to get dressed is to go outside. Therefore if you happen to be slightly undressed, then re-dressing to go inside would be crazy.

On entering the Bunkhouse, something told me to flex, which I can only imagine was embarrassing to watch. The club turned up very soon after us, and people started drinking. At least I imagine they did, because the nights events sounded as though they went fairly wild. Bits of Friday evening have come back to me, and waking up on the Saturday (feeling worse for wear, but I will come to this) I thought that I hadn't made too much of a fool of myself. These are the bits I remember:

• There was a game of "I have never", but I don't remember starting it, and all I can recall was telling people about an episode of Fran Smith's life. It won't be re-told here, as things have to stay in a bunkhouse, but if you know him, you can image some of the things that may have been said.

And that's it, that's all I remember. I thought I had stopped drinking, but apparently the Gin and Juice that I had purchased for the Saturday evening was consumed Friday also. Gin and Juice you ask, well apparently Usain Bolt is the best person to talk to about these things, or Snoop Dogg. And the best thing about Gin and Juice is that it is 50% juice, so it cannot be bad for you! The other blogs mentioned at the start add to this, but nothing has really been revealed. One can assume 1 of 2 things, either the events that transpired were not worth blogging about, or that they were too wild to publish on the internet. I would hope the former, but suspect the latter.

So Saturday morning arrived, and I was feeling bad. I had no energy to get out of bed, and the taste in my mouth was something else. It was as though I had allowed a piece of bread to go moldy overnight, whilst it sat on my tounge! I got downstairs to a few bright eyed faces, and this didn't help. Isn't it crappy seeing other people feeling great when you're not. Some details of the previous evening were regaled to me, one of which was that a game that was invented by myself and James Grant, of I'm Not Injured fame, was played. This game is know as "High Card Something Bad", and was essentially designed to get people doing silly things. On hearing this, I was annoyed that I missed out, as I had gone to bed early. But apparently this wasn't the case, it just happened that it did not form part of my memories. Unfortunately, as in "I have never", the events in "High Card Something Bad" cannot be broadcast, but from what I was told there were some dirty things going down.

So the boating! We went to look at the Conwy, and it was low. Or high, i'm not sure, I was told different things. But we didn't get on, and went to run the Llugwy. I was not feeling good on the drive to the Conwy, but as it was short it was OK. The Llugwy drive nearly took its toll, but I managed to keep my food (or whatever was actually in my stomach) down. I was impressed as I hadn't thrown up till this point. Well at least I didn't think I had, but again I will come to that.

I was grouped with Will Bevan again. The caped crusaders were once again to take a group of scared freshers down some gnarly runs.

Will Bevan

Will pointed out that I always take photo's of him changing. Looking back through them, he is correct. Seems weird that he remembers things like that! Alongside this photo, I was doing some modelling shots of Stu and Rowan with my sexy DSLR:

 Naomi Campbell - eat your heart out

Fran's creepy eyes

I like this photo above, it seems really off putting. 

So Will and I got our group. Luckily it looked as though the group was fairly strong. This was a severe benefit, as I was not up for saving anybody.

The Group 

Blake running a drop

The river was good, and the lads seriously improved. So we went to go look at an intermediate river. This journey was a lot longer in the car. I was feeling poorly to say the least, and to mitigate against any problems I reached for a Cardiff recycling bag, so that if my stomach did decide to emit its contents, I would have something to catch the fallout with. However, when I saw the bag in front of me, my brain clearly thought this was acceptance of the inevitable egestion through my mouth. I was trying badly to ask Lucie to pull over, by every fiber in my body knew that if I tried to talk I would vomit. I took my time, and eventually managed to get the words out, "Can we pull over?". Stu looked at me and could tell this wasn't good. Then the bag came in useful. For some reason I brought it to my face, and coughed. Puke was all over my mouth and chin. RANK. I didn't want or expect this. However I pulled the bag away and managed to keep everything from the car. Lucie pulled over, and I got out. Stu, smiling a big grin, got out my camera and proceeded to record me in my time of peril:

Not my greatest moment

Anyways, the river we went to look at was too low, and this meant the drive, and therefore the vomiting, was unnecessary.

So we went back to the Conwy, and on this drive I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, which definitely helped. I had sort of forgotten how good the Conwy was, and had a cracking time, both Ben and Blake in mine and Will's group rocked it. There was one moment where Blake swam and had the boat pinned in the middle of the river, so I had to stand in the water for a while. But I do enjoy that sort of thing, even though it was cold as! Everybody seemed to have a good laugh, and was probably the hardest thing some of them had done, so that's cool.

Then it was to the pub for a quick sit in the warmth before heading back to the bunkhouse for a snooze. Duncan had not stayed with us the previous evening, and drove up Saturday morning. So him and Fran joined me in the area I slept. As Duncan was getting ready for his little nap, he pointed to something on the floor.

"What's that?

"Paint?"

I had a cheeky peek, and my heart sank a little. "So that's why my mouth tasted of sick this morning!"

This explains a bit. Apparently I was ill the night before, and somehow was clever enough to move position, and therefore did not realise till Duncan saw it. So my nap was postponed whilst I cleared up my own mess. Yer, that's right. I had to wipe up my stinking vomit, which had had the fortune of fermenting on the floor for the whole day and had become dry and paste-like. I'm sure if my mother reads this she will be thinking that I very much deserve it. Luckily I am faster than Kim Woodburn and Aggie MacKenzie when it comes to clearing shit up, so it wasn't long till I was in a nice little dreamworld.

When dinner was ready, we reluctantly walked to the kitchen. The reluctancy was due to the cold, not the thought of club food, and seeing as the food was proper nice, it was worth it. I had a beer, but this wasn't sitting very well, so couldn't cope much more. Probably for the best that the Gin and Juice was long gone. This evening seemed tamer than the previous, although there was a relatively savage game of spoons. I went to bed before people started getting rowdy, and apparently there was another game of High Card Something Bad.

Sunday saw the River Dee, which is fairly standard, and probably the reason why it was so packed with kayakers. Our car, as well as the other Safeties stopped for a morning bacon bap at a place called The Tollgate, which was run by an elderly couple, and was wicked. I had a killer Bacon and Sausage Bap that really hit the spot. This was a cracking idea, and reminded me that stopping before a river for breakfast is a seriously good plan.

The Tollgate

The temperature was as cold as the hairs on a polar bear's bum. My BA was frozen, and thermals were cold as ice. This was not helping moral, and people were not looking happy. Which, to be fair, made me slightly happier. Odd feet warming rituals were going on:

Not just making his shoes hot, but the ladies were following suit

 However it looks like it worked

So we did some sliding down the hill, and due to the frost on the ground, there was some serious speed to be had.

Will on the sliding decent

As far as the river goes, the boating was good and people seemed to be hitting lines and having a good day once warmed up. Jonny King however was being as much of a muppet as expected, and managed to be leading his group down Town Falls, lost his paddle whilst upside down and had to handroll up. This left him at the bottom and his group at the top. For this he did a bootie:

Just a Chump

There's not much more to say really, it was a good weekend, and re-instilled why I have given up alcohol. Maybe I should be more embarrassed than I feel, but it seems that I was just as hilarious as I expect myself to be.

Till next time y'all, which should hopefully be about a River Dart trip that I am going on with the Procrastinate Boaters.

River Usk

So finally, something else to post about. It has been a long time since I have been in a river kayak, polo once again has been taking over. However Cardiff Uni Kayakers (CUK) has saved the day by running the beloved Usk. Now this isn't a difficult river, but for the freshers of the club it gives a good little ride.

So Sunday morning I picked up Procrastinate's Stu Sheath and Duncan Sinclair, as well as CUK committee Gimp, George Williams, with some banging beats being blasted out. Testosterone levels were running high, as both Stu and I had been shooting the day before. (I mean the manly kind of shooting with guns as opposed to the dirty gyppos that you see shooting up) So we were on a manly high, and to fuel our manliness we went for breakfast. I enjoyed this start to the day, a relaxing breakfast should be eaten before every club trip!

We got to the Usk at around 11:15 and managed to get the van un-packed in a reasonable time. Once again I was placed with the mighty Will Bevan of CUK, and we are swiftly becoming a dynamic duo of power. You may be thinking Batman and Robin? NO, neither of us are Robin. He is a chump that can't take the heat. We're basically Batman and Batman, you can see a photo of the two of us standing next to each other below:

Will and I

OK, so I'm not actually saying that we are both Batman, Although if we were, then I would be the one on the left!!

Down to our group, we had an quality bunch this weekend:

The group

Jumping onto the water, we had no troubles, the girls were rocking it, and Jordan was holding it tight for the blokes too.

So, Mill Falls being the tasty section on the Usk this is really where we're gonna get down to the nitty gritty. To be fair, Holly swam further up, but the less said about that the better. *Note to self - take that comment out to save Holly the embarrassment* *Second note to self - Actually don't* 

Mill Falls Eddy

We got out to have a cheeky gander at the section before we ran it, and you could see a couple faces drop at the idea of it, but this wasn't gonna stop us. Watching others get down to the bottom gave us the excitement to get down. Everyone nailed it, well actually we did have someone beach themselves on a rock half way down, but she managed to sort herself out and get tot he bottom. No swims!

Then it was just was simple paddle to the get off and time to get warm. Next week is the CUK North Wales trip, and this should really see some excitement and hopefully some banter to discuss. Watch this space.

Tawe; Back in a boat (and someone out of a boat)

It’s been a while since I have had the chance to update this blog. I have been to Cardiff White Water Centre a couple times, but not worth blogging about as it was just some playboating after I had been rafting during the day. Otherwise I have been playing polo, resenting the fact that it is taking up more time. If you wanna read about the polo side of the Stuff The Consequences be sure to check out Polo The Consequences blog.

However on Monday evening I managed to get a quick evening run on the Tawe with Procrastinate's Max Emery, Jonny King and Stu Sheath. It was an evening run because both Stu and I are working, so that students like Jonny and Max can continue to freeload through life.

The weather on Monday morning was horrible, which was promising for the water levels, but made the idea of going outside less appealing. An early decision was to attempt to run the Nant Clydach a few times so that the shorter daylight hours wouldn’t pose a problem. However the weather brightened up in the afternoon and it was clear that the Clydach wasn’t going to be on.

The choice was then left between the Mellte and Tawe; basically we knew that both of these runs could be done in time if we were on the ball. With the afternoon being mostly rain free, both runs were looking lower than originally thought. However as none of us have been in a boat for a while, the decision was made to just go have a look and jump on something.

Getting to the Mellte with Max and Jonny, the gauge was reading just below 6. This wasn’t ideal, and I was surprised as the water was as brown as fluids ejected in the art of Klismaphilia, but this must have just been because of the earlier rise in levels washing the banks. Stu turned up just after 17:00, and with sunset due for 18:53, the idea of walking out of the Mellte in the dark seemed unpleasing should it come to that, so we headed over to the Tawe. We knew there would be water, that we could have a little play and be off the water before it was too dark.

The gauge at the get on we use read around 0.45, which was higher than we last run it, but then that was scrapey low. We ran the shuttle and got ready to get on. Jonny, being the amazingly intellectual guy he is, didn’t bring a dry-cag with him. Obviously the cold evening wasn’t enough of a deterrent to get some warm clothing. He did contact Max 10 minutes before we were set to leave saying he was cag-less and there was one somewhere in Max’s garage, but no more detail than that. However, being the amazing handy chap I am, I had a spare that I lent him. Obviously his scrawny body was far too feeble to fill my cag, with the neck seal being as tight as a collapsed Squish Mitten, but at least it would provide some wind resistance.

The level was OK, and running down to the drop it was nice to have a play and be back in a boat. We had a few runs of the drop, as it was the most fun part of the river, and worked on our technique. On my first go, I came up to the lip at about 30 degrees, and my mind stopped. I didn't have a clue which side to boof stroke on, I was more muddled than a dyslexic staring at a Scrabble board, and I just penciled over. Luckily after that attempt, my mind got back into gear and I got the stroke on the others.

Max was keen for a Hammer over the edge, and decided to give it a go. Unfortunately he messed it up and pencilled the drop, ended up caught under the drop and swam. Luckily we saw two Swansea based paddlers there, and one of them was in the pool at the time and managed to get his boat to Max and pull him out. This was good, as both Jonny and I were at the top of the drop unable to do much. Max’s paddle exited before he did, and Stu managed to pull his boat out after. It was a noble attempt, crap but noble, and to be fair to him he had balls to give it a bash and commit to it. I was gonna give it a go, but getting to the lip, I froze and didn’t manage to get a stroke in, so also pencilled the drop. Luckily I managed to stay out of the towback, and there were no more swims recorded. A couple more runs and it was getting dark, so we continued on to the end. It was sweet to get back onto a river after so long, and hopefully with the winter months coming, more boating and blogging is to be had.

Have put a little edit together of us messing around on the drop, hope you enjoy. Unfortunately my GoPro fogged up as I didn’t have any Anti-Fog inserts

    

Life of Mole

So I have finally put the videos of my French Alps swim together. This is when I was running the Tunnel down section of the Middle Guil. I haven't swam for so long that I forgot how tiring is was, and watching the footage over again reminded me of how tired I was, just looking at little bits where I can't do simple things shows this.

The reason for the video coming now is that I am aware that I haven't blogged for a while, and thought I needed some more hits. Now that Polo The Consequences (PTC) has kicked off and the umbrella corporation of Stuff The Consequences is growing, much faster than any other similar companies, David James Ltd. springs to mind, I thought that I should keep the momentum going.

The video comprises of my GoPro HD Hero 2 point of view as well as my Canon IXUS 230HS used by Rif. As I say, its pretty raw, but just to show what happened. The title, 'Life of Mole' was conjured up when we were sitting in the Gite watching the video over.

Hopefully over then next few weeks I should be purchasing a new entry level DSLR camera, and will be able to take more photos and videos for the blog, as well as the PTC blog that Andy Francis is leading.

  

La Bachelard Video

This is a video of the Bachelard, one of the rivers we got on when we spent a day in the Ubaye Valley. As explained in one of the update posts whilst we were in France, this river was really nice and the day was beautiful. It's unfortunate that it is all head-cam footage, we didn't get out to film from the bank, which is a shame as this would have been perfect for getting out the boat.

I originally thought I would put all of the French stuff in one video, but this river stood out, and it is probably the best footage of everything I managed to record, so I hope you enjoy it. And apologies for the length of time between coming back and outputting this video, I have been lazy and not worked on it whilst being back.

It comes in HD 720p if that is not your preset:

This was recorded on my GoPro Hero 2 and edited on Adobe Premiere Elements 9.

      

Final French Alps post

Day 7

Today was a rest day, and this meant a cheeky lie in after the previous long day. Morgan and Phil left early-ish to go for a cycle up one of the Col’s whilst Rif, John and I stayed in the Gite for a while to take in the relatively warm weather. Our plan was to head out and find a Via Ferrata to do in the morning, and then go into Briançon Old Town in the afternoon. However on arrival at the first V.F it was closed for repair, and the second one had been torn down, so obviously the world was against us doing any form of activity, and I can’t lie; I wasn’t that concerned, I could have put my feet up all day and let my troubles float away.

So we had lunch and headed to Briançon Old Town just as everything was closing. I can’t get used to this 3 hour lunch that the French seem to have, I like the sound of it, but I can’t see it being the most productive of working practices. But anyway, we found a pub open and got a drink to the pass the time for the shops to open, where we split up to have a look around. Walking down the main ‘strip’ every touristy shop you pass, a really annoying high pitched wolf whistle comes from the toy marmots. I hated them, who wants to buy someone a present that makes a crappy noise every time something happens in front of it.

Anyway, I’m not going to go on about a relatively uninteresting day.

Day 8

We were greeted by rain this morning, and this was not a nice start to the last day. Travelling up to the Gyr to have a look and see if it was going, everyone was looking fairly down and out. Being marginally tired from a long weeks top class boating and rain didn’t seem to mix. The Gyr was also super low, and as we were there, we went up to the Onde. This was looking more promising, seeming to be at an equally high level as before. Today Rif was going to jump on, and was eager, whilst Phil and I were less so. Waiting to see whether the weather would improve I jumped into a Sudoku. However on completion the weather was still looking grey, but then again my superior Sudoku solving skills didn’t give nature much time! So Rif, Phil and I kitted up and jumped on. The level seemed to be slightly more technical this time round, but still producing nice read and run fun, but very few eddies. We shot down it again, making a similar time to the van and the weather at the end was looking much better. This was a very pleasant little run, with a firm and brisk hand shake at the bottom to sign off the boating we had done. The Gyr didn’t seem to get any water all day, and we had a beer each in Vallious before heading back to the Gite to get things ready for the drive home. A meal out in the evening saw the end of the holiday, and although the food was good, the table service was very much below par.

The evening ended like most: cards, beers and banter.

Day 9

The drive back through France was easy, the weather was perfect – sunny enough to look beautiful, and cool enough to make the van comfortable, we were in Calais before we really knew it. A hop on the Tunnel, and we were back in beautiful England where the roads were just as kind to us.

This was a tremendous trip, and the levels were as expected, very very tastey! The group was a good laugh and the boating was amazing, I always enjoy the French Alps, and the latest edition of the French Alps Guide Book is brilliant.

I hope the last few posts have been interesting reads for people, and that maybe a few smiles arose. I will endeavour to put some footage together, albeit just head-cam so unlikely to be the best, and will get the video of me in the drink up also.

Cheers for reading, and to all those heading to France soon I wish good luck and have fun!

French Alps update

Day 5

Today we went to the Ubaye to have a look at what the levels were like over there. The weather was cracking, first day off pure sun.

Looking at the race course the levels were looking high, and just out of interest we went to look at Fresquière, which was off its tits! So we went to hit up the race course and it was properly going. It was brilliant fun! Fast and bouncy, we had some good little sections with Phil and I taking the lead on different parts, nothing hard with the knowledge of read and run that makes river seam dreamy. Morgs wasn’t feeling overly comfortable, but we all got down and had a good laugh. However this was a reasonably pushy level, where the stoppers and pour overs had to be treated with respect, as I found out having dropped into one, and needing to battle in order to avoid being pulled back into it.

Ubaye racecourse head-cam shot

The plan was then to try and find the Bachalard to have a little go on it after lunch. Arriving at the get off, we had our sandwiches, and then drove to the top. The 'get in' is down this little path against the bridge which is kind of savage, but worth it to do the run. Sliding down the bank on my ass, like a dog with worms sliding on the carpet, I reach the river side and what a sight, clear water and beautifully clean rock. The first half of the river reminded me of Corsica, little boof strokes needed and lots of edge changes. I recommend anyone to give this a go, as it is a tremendous run, however the guidebook suggests that it only runs one month a year, so we could have just been lucky because we came out in the early season. The scenery is also one to be taken in as you're heading down, and easy to do so, because the river has nothing too demanding on it.

Bacharlard head-cam shot

The day ended with us having a beer in Ubaye village and heading over yo Guillestre for more drinks and some food. With a couple beers in our system, conversation ranged from the UK's education system to the government and its structuret. Apparently after a few drinks, a group of five men can solve all of the world’s problems. Unluckily though, the thoughts were forgotten by the following morning. Just to clear things up, as we are all manly men, the conversation did also included birds, boobs and killing bears, three subjects I can safely say we are all expert in.

Day 6

Today started cold as anything, and this was a slight downer. But our plan was to head to the Durance Gorge hoping levels had fallen. The gauge was showing 9, yet this still looked higher than a gangster rapper on his day off, and the nerves were running wild. Morgan, Phil and I kitted up and headed on down. The holes were meaty and the lines were hard to see from the boat, but luckily Phil and I took an even amount of leading, as being switched on for the amount of time needed to run the whole thing would have been too much. Both Phil and I were feeling the nerves, and as the portage was getting closer it was getting more and more nerve racking. So you can picture it, imagine racking your nerves in the most rickety rack ever, causing more nerves to show themselves and filling the rickety rack fuller, making it stress and strain under the weight, causing an exponential growth of nerves during the nerve racking experience, that is how nerve racking it was! Now the portage get out has seemed to have changed from what I remember, as there used to be a tree over the river. I took a few snaps to give you guys a look at the get out to aid you finding it. My advice is that when you see a rock slide on river right, get out and look, because it is most likely the start of the portage.

 View upstream from eddy

 Downstream from eddy

 view of eddy (you can see the rock slide on the bank)

View of opposite wall

Hopefully these photos will be helpful for those wishing to do the Durance gorge, and need a small reminder of what the start of the portage may look like.

The portage was hellish as ever, making each footstep challenging. Getting back on after a little bit of a rest, the river didn’t let up, the holes were still strong and to hit the lines still required strong strokes. Nearing the slot Phil and I had our eyes peeled. Luckily the big river right eddy was still there and relatively obvious, so a quick walk around saw us at the right hand bend into the hole and shoot. Morgan wasn’t feeling it and walked around. I ran it first, feeling nervous but psyched, finding the line relatively easily, with Morgan on a throwline round the corner. Then Phil ran it, and again got through without much effort. Going down to the chicane the river let up a little, and on arrival, Phil was leading and chose to go over the drop/rock slide river left, which made me immensely happy as I followed with glee. Then we were out, smiles all around, feeling good about the run, and glad to be out safe and in tact. A committing gorge to be in, but worth the nerves and the effort all the same.

A good break and lunch followed, getting our breath back. Rif and I went to do a blast of Briançon Gorge. It was a little lower than before, but a fun read and run all the same. The evening then consisted of a BBQ and a few drinks, cards and lier dice.